


Achy Breaky Heart

by theIronStark3000



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hospitalization, Hurt Anakin Skywalker, Injury Recovery, Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Medical Procedures, Minor Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Padawan Ahsoka Tano, Post-Episode: s04e15 Deception, Post-Rako Hardeen Arc (Star Wars: Clone Wars), Post-Zygerria Arc (Star Wars: Clone Wars), Protective Ahsoka Tano, Protective Satine Kryze, Sick Obi-Wan Kenobi, Surgery, Team as Family, Worried CC-2224 | Cody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28527732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theIronStark3000/pseuds/theIronStark3000
Summary: Feeling isolated after the Hardeen mission, General Kenobi tries to deal with his health scare alone.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 25
Kudos: 251





	1. Chapter 1

Obi-Wan sat in quiet shock still processing what Master Che explained to him about his cardiac health. His hand trembles as he clutched the pamphlet about pacemakers. He can feel the rapid beat of his heart in his chest. Taking a shaky breath, Kenobi attempts to prevent himself from panicking. It's a minor procedure, he will be fine. _I can do this. I can do this. I can do this._ Obi-Wan whispered to himself over and over again.

_“You need to have surgery, Master Kenobi.”_

” _Four to six weeks recovery.”_

_”We caught your arrhythmia earlier.”_

_“I suspect the vital suppressor might have aggravated your condition.”_

_”Has your blood pressure always been this high?”_

_”Chronic stress is not good for your cardiac health.”_

_”Is there someone you want me to call?”_

There is no one. He is all alone. No one is speaking to him after his deception. Kenobi doesn’t even know if his padawans or Satine would even take his calls right now. Obi-Wan doesn’t think Bail or Padme would be any kinder. He hasn’t seen Dex in weeks. Cody was mad, he hit Obi-Wan. Kenobi can feel the sting of his busted lip. He can still feel their anger and hurt. He plays it over and over again in his mind,  
  


The surgical procedure is scheduled for the end of the week. Obi-Wan spends the 48 hour period between now and then making accommodations. The Council approves his request for leave and Master Windu and Master Plo agree to cover the 212th jointly in Kenobi’s absence. He tells no one outside of the council of his procedure. Again, it is not exactly like anyone had noticed his absences and withdrawal for the last few days. 

* * *

Obi-Wan sat on the gurney in his hospital issued pjs and gown with rubber grip socks reading quietly, classes low on his nose. He is deeply engrossed in his reading, trying to keep himself grounded and mind off the procedure. 

Usually, Anakin would be holding his hand and they'd talk about something silly. He tries not to think about how badly he misses Anakin or Ahsoka. It hurts too much, making his chest ache with a longing desire to go back to the way things were before,

Master Vokara Che knocked, “Come in.”, Kenobi called.

”I thought I told you no work.”, she chided.   
  


“Would you believe me if I told you I was reading a new mystery holonovel?”

  
“Hmm, sounds suspicious. Is it okay if I begin by placing your IV?”, Master Che asked. She suspended the bag of saline on the Iv pole, and primed the tubing. 

  
”Go ahead. Just be gentle, and keep talking to me.”

”I didn’t know you liked to read for fun.”, Master Che comments as she cleans Kenobi’s arm, taking two fingers to find an accessible vein. 

”I don’t often have free time.”

“You will rest, otherwise I’ll keep you confided to the Halls.”, Master Che removes the sterile cap and placed the needle, drawing a little blood in the catheter when she was successful and removed the needs, disposing of it properly. 

”I wouldn’t dream of doing otherwise.”

  
  


“Yeah, that’s some Kenobi bullshit.”, she tapped the catheter securely , connecting the tubing and began the IV pump to push fluids. They agreed to push an anti-anxiety drip before taking him to the operating room.

  
He gave her a smile, “You know me so well.”

”Rest. We’ll be back to take you to the OR in half an hour.”

Obi-Wan sunk into a meditative state and let the medicine calm his nerves. The anesthesiologist came by, and administered the local for the procedure. He felt sleepy, comfortable and numb when the medical team arrived to take him back.   
  
  


He arrived in the OR, removed his shirt and waited as he was prepped. A nurse clean his chest, and drained the sterile curtain. Obi-Wan had an oxygen canals in, an pulse oxy, and two stickers on his chest to catch vitals. 

Master Che held his hand while the cardiologist and his surgical team began the procedure. He remained awake as the cardiac team began the process of implanting the pacemaker.   
  


An small incision was made where the leads and pacemaker was inserted, guided by fluoroscopy machine for imaging of the placement. 

It took about two hours for implantation. Obi-Wan’s teeth chatted noisily and he voiced he was cold, someone covered him with an extra blanket and warming packs.   
  
  


He tried to not think about what they were doing, keeping his head turn to look at Master Che. They talked about Anakin, Ashoka, Satine, Bail, Cody the 212th, anything to keep Kenobi calm.   
  


Master Che knew how deeply he cared about his lineage and friend. It pained her to know he came alone, there was no one in the waiting room asking after him. Obi-Wan was alone, she could almost hear the quiet pain in his voice, afraid he had shattered his personal relationships beyond repair. 

They guide the wire into a major vein near his collarbone and into his heart.They test the leads to ensure it is working properly. Obi-Wan can feel his heart beat faster when the pacing is tested. Small amounts of emerge are stimulated through the leads into the heart muscle., causing the heart to contract. The leads are then connected to the pacemaker.

One wire was connected to his right ventricle, and the other to the pulse generator near his collar bone. This creates a pocket under the skin near Obi-Wan’s upper chest. 

The surgeon closed the small incisions, and Obi-Wan’s surgical site is bandaged. Before long his chest is clear of the sterile draping, and they take a final x-ray to check his lungs as well as the positioning of the leads.   
  
  


“Is there anyone you can go home with?”, Master Che asked quietly.

”There is no one left.”

”Obi-Wan, certainly, you can call Anakin, Yoda, someone to help you with the first few days of recovery.”

”Everyone I love dies or leaves, Master. That’s the way it’s always been.”

Master Vokara Che frowns with concern, “You shouldn’t have to bare this alone.”

”I cannot ask them.” There is an vulnerability in admitting this. He squeezes his eyes shut to keep the tears from falling.  
  


“I will not leave you alone.”, Master Vokara Che squeezes his hand. 

”Misery is plenty company.”, Kenobi quirks his lips sadly.

It makes Vokara want to scoop him up, and wrap him in a hug. She sees the way the war continues to eat at him. His shoulders bare the weight of the order, the republic. Everyone asks so much of him. It strikes her, they may correct his arrhythmia, but not his broken heart.   
  


The nurse connected him to a telemetry monitor to monitor the rhythm of his heart. It consists of a small box connected to sticky electrode patches on his chest as well as a a holter monitor. The holter monitor helps to monitor proper pacemaker function for the first twelve or so hours. Before long he is transferred from the OR to recovery and it all feels like a blur. Obi-Wan feels exhausted and emotionally drained, he sleeps. Master Vokara Che does not leave his side the first hour or so, making sure he is comfort.

It concerns her there is no one to hold his hand or soothe his nerves. Usually, Skywalker would be pacing the halls asking for information. There is no sight of either Skywalker nor Tano. Master Yoda comes by with cards and well wishes from the Council. Master Che knows how anxious being in the halls can be for Kenobi. She worries about him, knowing how the Hardeen mission strained his personal relationships.

She discovers both the 501stand 212th still planetside for a few more days of shore leave. Her investigation suggests Anakin an Ahsoka are in their quarters. Ahsoka has been catching up on missed lessons and classes. Anakin has been seen mopping about the Temple. There are whispers about his sour mood and temper ever since Kenobi's funeral, well faked funeral. Master Che also uncovers Kenobi hasn't been answering the Council's comms, it appears he left Plo and Mace a shit ton of paperwork and forms. _Good for him,_ she thinks. 

The healer keeps an eye on his vitals, reading quietly to him as Kenobi comes out of the light sedation. The first thing Obi-Wan notices is how sore his chest feels, Master Che adjusts his pain medication and finds him a nice ice pack. He squeezes the heart shaped pillow against his chest when he has to cough. His throat feels dry, she offers him a straw to take a few sips of water. He remains in bed until the sedation and local wear off.

Once fully alert, Master Che wants him up and moving. The nausea is overwhelming at first, especially as Master Che helps him out of bed for the first time. They take it real slow, Obi-Wan gently places his sock covered feet on the floor, and squeezes his eyes shut. The nausea passes, and he finds his center again. She helps him into a pair of non-slippery house shoes and his bathrobe. They move together, Obi-Wan leaning into her, as she holds him upright. They just stand for a moment, "Remember not to left your right hand over your shoulder.", she reminds him. 

"Okay.", he groaned taking the first slow step.

"There you go."

Obi-Wan shuffles cautiously out as they exit recovery room.

"I feel like I sat on by a Bantha.", he groans uncomfortably. Master Che can see the determination in his eyes to make the lap around the surgical recovery floor. 

"You can expect some discomfort and tenderness for the first couple days."

"When can I go home?"

"In about 24 hours. Are you sure there is no one I can call for you?"

  
"They wouldn't answer anyway. No one has asked after me, well, since the Hardeen mission."

"You are loved and care for by so many people, Obi."

"The Temple is practically empty. Most of my friends and colleagues are actively engaged in the war." 

"I would like Bant and I to check up on you at home at least."

"That is okay with me." 

Once they finish their walk, Obi-Wan's forehead is drenched with sweat and he is exhausted. His limbs feel like jelly as Master Vokara Che helps him into bed. He is relived to sink into the softness of the mattress and rest. They manage to get him to eat most of his tray, and an extra smoothie. It does not escape Master Che's notice how tired he looks, bags under eyes. When was the last time he rested? She worried for Obi-Wan, he had always been terrible at remembering to eat something and getting enough rest.

"You did good today.", Master Che takes her seat beside him again.

"I just want to go home, you know?"

It does not escape her notice he is unusually cooperative, "You've always rested better at home.", Master Che agreed. She isn't sure why all the fight has bleed out of him this time around. She observes him closely, seeing how tired, overworked he is. His body hasn't even had enough time to recover from the Rako Hardeen mission. His hair is still buzzed short, he looks much younger with his beardless face. Sometimes, Master Che thinks they forget how young Kenobi actually is to have been through the hardships he has.

"The halls are too loud, too bright." 

"You never liked the Halls even as a youngling." 

"Nothing good usually happened when I visited the halls."

"You know I'd never let anything happen to you."

"You cannot control everything."

"In the Halls I do."

Obi-Wan gave her a soft sad smile. They both know what he is thinking of. _Jenna Zan Arbor. Medical torture. Experimentation._ Countless injures as a Padawan. Every prick and poke. There is a reason why Obi-Wan does not like the Halls of Healing or medical procedures. Master Che knows this as well as Obi-Wan does. He has not had good experiences even with minor injuries and illness in the halls.

He struggles with medical trauma. Master Vokara Che will do everything within her power to ensure an uneventful recovery, and quality home care. He does not have to face this alone, she will not abandon him in his hour of need.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I revised Chapter 1, you may want to go back and reread the first chapter.

Obi-Wan spend 24 hours post-op in the halls before Master Che releases him to recover at home. It does not escape her notice Kenobi has no visitors, no one to ask after him. She makes it her personal mission to arrange care for him. They will not abandon him in his time of need. His freezer is already stocked with meals he can warm up, and the refectory crew scheduled to drop off hot meals as well. 

  
She hands him a paper sack with his prescription pain meds, and a folder with post op instructions. Kenobi puts them into his small bag and puts it in his lap. Obi-Wan looks cozy in his button down pjs shirt and top, non temple Issue Kyrze clan blue pjs with slippers as well as a robe.

Master Che is glad to see him feeling less nauseous and able to sit up on his own. Though, it was strange for Obi-Wan to be a well behaved patient.

“Bant and I will escort you to your quarters.”

”Thanks.”, Obi-Wan says climbing into the wheelchair. Master Che’s eyes widen, he doesn’t even fight her. She resists the temptation to check for a fever.

She can feel how sad and lonely he is in the Force. Obi-Wan is quieter than she remembers. The head healer makes a mental note to keep checking on him periodically.   
  


Obi-Wan perks up significantly upon seeing Bant Eerin. She gives him a gentle hug, mindful of his surgical site, “Oh, Obi. I missed you.”

”And I you.”, Obi-Wan goes from being excited to see her to more quiet, muted. Bant doesn't have to read his mind to know what he is thinking about. She grieved for her friend, thought him dead. Obi-Wan felt guilty about lying to her, she can see his conflicted emotions on his face.

  
  


Bant notes Obi-Wan is tight lipped on the walk back to his quarters. It’s not secret how angry Skywalker is after Kenobi’s deception. Part of her wants to reach out to Anakin and Ahsoka. But she knows she cannot intervene unless Kenobi states otherwise.

She straddles the line between friend and healer carefully. Obi-Wan feels unbalanced, restless, nothing like his usual steady, calm self. Understandable, he just had surgery, hasn't even been home from the war a week and the healers have no idea when he was last properly cared for by anyone.   
  


Master Che and Bant talk through their bond, comparing notes about Obi-Wan’s current state. They are very concerned about his isolation and apparent lack of support. Their records show he didn't get a check up or session with the minder healer between of his captivity on Zygerria and the Hardeen mission.

The Master Healer filed paperwork for an complete evaluation and work up. Obi-Wan needed to be cared while Temple bound the way they should've to begin with. The Jedi Council will be hearing from her. 

”Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own?”, Master Che asks.

”I just want to sleep anyways.”, Obi-Wan shrugged.

”Here we are. Let’s get you tucked into bed.”, Bant gave him a soft smile. It takes Vokara Che and Bant both to get him up. Obi-Wan continues staring into space as they tuck him into bed.   
  


Obi-Wan lays on his good side, eyes unfocused and lost in a thousand yard stare. He kept thinking about how hurt Anakin looked when he found out the truth. His chest ache, and not because of his recent surgery either.Bant stays with him, afraid to leave him like this.

She stays on his couch, keeping an ear out for him. Obi-Wan cries softly in his sleep calling out for Ashoka and Anakin. His anguish bleds into the Force.   
  


The Rako Hardeen mission messed with Obi-Wan’s head, forcing him to make decisions that conflict with his personal ethos. There is strain and hurt affecting not just his professional but personal life now. He feels so alone, afraid to ask for help and be meet with rejection again. 

His loved ones' reactions to the news of his faked death had been ones of hurt and anger. He noticed there were no missed comms or messages. No one had inquired after him the last 72 hours of radio silence. It made the supernova wad of emotions in his chest contract and ache. 

Obi-Wan doesn’t sleep. He thinks about what kind of terrible master lets his grandpadawan hold his lifeless body in their arms. He knew what it was like to lose a Master, to have Force bonds suddenly ripped away.   
  


He does not sleep. He dreams of Naboo. He dreams of dying. He thinks about Satine and his padawans crying at his funeral. He acted out of duty to the Order, to the republic. It leaves him feeling, empty, _hallow_.

In his sleep, Obi-Wan screams of war and loss. His chest hurts and it does not because of his recent surgery. His heart feels burdened by this damn war, the things he does in the name of duty. Eventually, he is too tired and no longer dreams but rests in a fitful sleep.

* * *

It is Ahsoka who noticed Master Kenobi‘s absence. She hasn’t seen him around the Temple, not even for meals. He didn't often cook meals when they were on shore leave. She decided to comm him, Tano hoped her grandmaster might join them for dinner

The distance between Anakin and Obi-Wan was growing more and more uncomfortable. The men had always been close at the beginning of the war. It was painful to see them practically strangers now. Ashoka knew their relationship had been strained for some time Anakin hadn’t even realized for months now Obi-Wan has tried to reach out. 

However, Obi-Wan didn't answer, so Ashoka summoned the courage to knock on his door. She was doing this for herself, not Anakin. Whatever anger and frustration she felt, the young one released in the Force . She hasn’t listened to Kenobi’s side of the story. Perhaps there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why he had to go undercover as Rako Hardeen 

”Obi-Wan?”, Ashoka called out,hearing no response she decided to enter anyway. She entered his code, and the door whooshed open.   
  


Tano noticed his apartment in disarray. Take out containers strew about, dishes in the sink. His medicine bottles organized on the coffee table, and her grandmaster lying in a heap on the couch. The padawan decided it was best not to say anything about the bedside urinal on the side table.   
  


It wasn’t like him to have a messy apartment. Her eyes widen as she noticed the bandage around his bare chest, he grunted in pain as he moved. Obi-Wan looked like a dear in headlights, surprised and shocked to see her.   
  
  


Obi-Wan had made a nest for himself: snacks, holonovel, medicine, a massive cup of water, and blankets. His reading glasses hung low on his nose, he wore just socks and a pair of sleep pants forgoing a shirt. His chest looked bruised and sore a bandage around his collar bone and upper chest.   
  


Her grand master looked exhausted, frail almost as if he’s turned to dust if you touched him. It took what remained of her strength to keep her shields intact. _He was injured and didn’t tell anyone?_ Ashoka wasn’t sure what was going on. 

Obi-Wan had dark bruised bags under his eyes. _Had he always been so emaciated underneath his robes?_ He looked pale, and sickly with sweat clinging to what little hair he had on his head.  
  


Without the beard, Kenobi looked so much younger. It was easy to forget sometimes he was only sixteen years older than Anakin, not even forty yet and grey has peppered his copper hair. 

He desperately needed a shower, and pain meds judging by the pain gazed look in his troubled eyes. Ashoka didn’t know who looked worse her grandmaster or master. Obi-Wan looked like he was drowning alone in the sea of his own misery and sorrow.

”Grandmaster?”, her voice broke betraying her emotions. Ashoka swallowed heavily, trying to keep the tears from falling.

She hadn’t cried holding her grandmaster’s limp, lifeless body in her arms. Tano wasn’t going to start now. Obi-Wan frowns watching her, like he is hesitant to make the next move. 

The padawan sniffles, trying to resist the urge to take him into her arms and hold him, desperate to feel his warmth and pulse confirming to her he is not a phantom haunting her waking hours.   
  


“It’s okay, padawan-mine.”, Obi-Wan’s voice is soft and kind. He had always been more gentle, paternal than Anakin. Sometimes she wondered what Kenobi would be like as her Master.

”Are you hurt?”, Ashoka discreetly daps at her eyes with her sleeve.   
  


Obi-Wan huffs painfully as he makes room for her in his nest. Without hesitation, Ashoka sits beside him. Kenobi, the famed negotiator is momentarily mute as he considers his words.   
  


Instead, he holds her in his arms mindful of his still sensitive, healing chest. They are both crying now. They let their feelings of be released into the force and weakly cling to each other. 

“I-I-I had surgery four days ago.”, Obi-Wan uncharacteristic stammers as he finds his words again.   
  


“Oh, master. What happened?”, Ashoka softens. She isn’t mad, rather sadden at the thought of Obi-Wan facing this alone.

”I have an arrhythmia. I needed to have a pacemaker placed.”

”Why didn’t you comm us?”   
  


“We haven’t exactly been on speaking terms.”

”You must tell Anakin!”

”Oh, no. Little one, he doesn’t want to speak with me. I-I do not wish to upset him further.”

”He’d want to know you had surgery.”

  
  


Obi-Wan shakes his head, “I can get by on my own.”

”Let us take care of you.”

”It is not necessary.”   
  


Ahsoka makes a sad sound of concern, “You always take care of us.”

  
“I haven’t been a very good grandmaster.”, Kenobi sniffles.   
  


“Honestly? I’m just so glad you’re alive, Master Obi-Wan. We can talk about the Hardeen misson another time.”, Ashoka gives him a big hug again. She closes her eyes and feel his steady pulse. _Alive_. He is warm and alive. It feels like a miracle.   
  


  
“You’re the first one to say that to me.”, Obi-Wan makes a sad sound.   
  


“Oh, Obi-Wan.” They both sniffle pressing their foreheads together.   
  


“I’m sorry, little one.”

”Already forgiven, Master Obi.”

Once they both feel more emotionally steady, Ahsoka help her grandmaster into the refresher. He gives himself a sponge bath and changes clothes. Meanwhile, she fixed them both dinner. And comms Anakin to let her she is with Obi-Wan. 

Obi-Wan and Ashoka sit on the floor together, pressed knee to knee. She asks him for help with her homework, trying to distract him. He appreciated both the company and her effort. 

  
Obi-Wan looks far less bedraggled once clean, dressed and fed. The pain doesn’t appear as bad once the meds kick in.   
  


Before she leaves, Ahsoka tucks him into bed and stays until he is asleep. She comms Bant to let her know he feels a little warm. She whispers quiet words under breath, “Keep him safe, may he rest in the warm embrace of the Force until our reunion. Please, watch over him elders of the Force.”   
  
  


In her mind, Tano begins to plan the family meeting she was going to call. Surely, Rex and Cody could talk some sense in Anakin, a temporary ceasefire until Obi-Wan was well enough to have a real talk about this Rako Hardeen business.

He needs his family by his side through this. Ahsoka can feel how dull and sad his usual bright Force presence feels. She worried about the strain the war put on all of them, but her masters especially. 


	3. Chapter 3

Obi-Wan developed a fever, and spend a few nights in the Halls receiving a dose of IV antibiotics. Thankfully, he seemed to be responding well and would able to go home shortly. Kenobi was caught escaping the Halls dragging his IV pole behind him. Bant sighed quietly, and followed giving him space. Obi-Wan seemed disoriented and upset, tears streaming openly down his face. 

If you see Master Kenobi in the halls, walking by himself, talking to him, have pity. He is working through the unimaginable. Younglings. Knights. Masters. They all whispered and gave him a wide berth. Bant made sure he didn’t hurt himself as he wondered into the gardens. Obi-Wan was talking to himself again, “You’d liked it in the gardens, Qui. It’s quiet.” Obi-Wan could’ve swore his master sat beside. 

His hair is more and more grey. Reports are he walks and roams the Temple aimlessly in his walks. “I know I don’t deserve you, Anakin, Ashoka. If you’d hear me out that’s be enough.”, Obi-Wan cried in the gardens alone. He swear he could feel the warm arms of his Master hold him right as he wept. The Jedi Master thinks he is absolutely losing his mind. He finally has cracked after all this time.  
  


Bant kept her distance, and helped him back to the Halls once he was done. She tucked him back into bed, and kissed his forehead, wishing she could do something about the trouble lines of his face. Obi-Wan decides after he is more lucid to toss the pain killers. He doesn’t like the way they make him feel foggy and lost. He doesn’t have any more episodes once his fever breaks.

Master Che observed an interesting development. Padawan Tano was sneaking around the Temple. She brought a group of clones once to clean Obi-Wan’s apartment, which had been a disaster area, possibly condemned by Master Che herself until it got picked up. When Bant and Obi-Wan made the walk back to his apartment, he noticed the balloons and Feel better soon, Master Kenobi banner. He sniffled noticing the 501st and 212th’s colors on the balloons and banner. There are cards from the clones on the table. Ahsoka made sure his fridge was stocked and the apartment clean with a note on the fridge: _We wanted to make sure you knew you were loved and cared for. - Ashoka, Rex, and Cody._

Before his legs gave out, Bant helped him onto the couch, Obi-Wan held his heart shaped pillow against his chest as he wept. "They care, Bant. Oh Force, I thought for certain I lost them forever." 

"Oh, Obi. I think they were upset because of how much they care about you.", she soothed rubbing his back. 

"Honestly? Bant, I didn't think anyone would care if I died.", his voice is small, frail, vulnerable. 

"Obi-Wan, your padawans, friends and colleagues were devastated. Quin still won't answer my comms that's how upset he is." 

"Not Anakin, though. Anakin has Padme and Ahsoka, he'll be fine. He doesn't even talk to me anyway, not anymore, not the way we used to."

"Obi-Wan, have you reached out to him?"

"What's the point? He'll lie or blow me off again." Obi-Wan miserably thinks Anakin is probably at Padme's right now wallowing in anger and hurt.

"Of course, Anakin still needs you. You're his Master." 

"Knights grow up , and they don't need their silly masters holding them back."

"I think you know that's not true.", Bant tried to comfort him. He cried, burrowing his face into her tunic. She just held him, knowing how exhausted and emotional drained he feels in the Force.

Bant and Master Che don't leave Master Kenobi alone. They develop a rotating list of visitors: retired Jedi, friends, colleagues, healers, Councilors, and even the Jedi clerics. Just becomes he feels alone does not mean they have to leave him alone in his hurt and upset. They notice the biggest turn around in his recovery around the time Ahsoka decides to come by and have dinner with Obi-Wan. 

* * *

News arrives of the 501st and 212th deployment, they leave in the morning, Obi-Wan knows as much. He made a video for the 212th explaining his absence and reminds them Mace Windu and Plo Koons are good friends of his. There is no one he trusts more than these two men with the 212th in his absence. He will be back in about a month, until them the 212th should listen to Windu and Koon. Any concerns can be reported to their Commanders and squadron leaders, whose calls he is more than happy to take. Obi-Wan is willing to talk with the troopers directly and he will listen to whatever they have to say. 

Ahsoka doesn't come alone this time, she brings Rex and Cody with her. The Clone commanders have never been to Kenobi's temple quarters before. Cody looks a little nervous, Rex elbows him, "Hey, look at me, Kote. It is going to be okay." 

  
"I punched him, Rex'ika!" 

"Your General is a reasonable, kind man." 

  
"I wish we could've convinced Skyguy to come with us.", Ahsoka sighs as she knocks.

"Give him time. He'll come around eventually."

"Come in.", Kenobi calls. He is perched in Qui-Gon's recliner, blanket draped over his legs and sleepy loth cat in his lap. He must've been watching a holofilm judging by the popcorn and paused show in the screen. 

  
"I brought Rex and Cody."

His hair is starting to grow back, and his beard filling in. Obi-Wan doesn't look quite so strange, though still more gaunt and sickly than Ahsoka would like to see. His feet are bare, and the General lounges in sleep clothes. The bandage peeks out from under his tunic, he still looks exhausted and frail as if a strong wind might blow him away. But he feels more balanced, not quiet as steady as before, but less trouble than he had been, Ahsoka thinks.

"Hello there.", Obi-Wan greets. His eyes linger on Cody, they stare at each other.

"I-I'm so sorry.", Cody cries. 

"Already forgiven."

"I punched you!"  
  


"It is an understandable reaction."

  
Cody is a blubbering mess until Kenobi finally gives him a hug, "It is okay, dear one."

"Oh!"

Cody's brain has stopped working. Rex rolls his eyes, guiding him over to the couch to sit. Ahsoka shakes the bag in her hand, she brought him some contraband. Dex's is not on Master Che's approved list of foods for heart healthy recovery. However, Obi-Wan loves a greasy hamburger and fries. Who is Padawan Tano to deny him joy?

"You are an absolute saint, padawan-mine."

  
"Anything for my grandmaster."

They pass out the greasy food, gather around to share a meal. Obi-Wan makes a happy sound as he takes the first bite of hamburger. He cannot remember the last time he had something that wasn't rations or hospital food at this point. He eats everything, even the second burger Dex send. It's the most Ahsoka has seen the man eat in a long time. She makes a mental note to check on Obi-Wan more often, especially if Anakin still has his head lodged up his ass. 

"How are you feeling, sir?", Rex asks. 

"First of there, I'm Obi-Wan, no sir, not General Kenobi. There are no ranks here. Second Still sore and weak, but my ticker is better than ever. Before you know it, I'll be back in the field.", Obi-Wan gives Rex a warm smile. He isn't immune to the General's charm, after Kadavo, Rex feels Kenobi is just as much his general as Cody's. He melts into Kenobi's warmth and care.

"You should rest while you have a change, Obi-Wan.", Cody clears his throat with a look of care and concern in his eyes. 

"I can assure you, Master Che is holding me prisononer as we speak. I will be well cared for.", Kenobi hums.

"You look better than the last time I saw you.", Ahsoka agreed. 

"She keeps trying to feed me!"

"You are not getting enough to eat.", Cody chides. 

"I have the Force. It provides."

  
"You cannot sustain yourselves on the Force alone."

"Ugh."

"I want to see you healthy and strong when you come back to us.". Cody gives him a pointed look. 

"Yes, Commander."

"The men miss you.", Rex said, pulling more cards out of his bag.

"Thank them for me. The cards have cheered me up.", Obi-Wan happily accepts more cards. 

  
"This is from us both.", Cody gave a shy smile as he pulled out a gift bag.

Obi-Wan unwraps the package to find a gold and blue knit blanket. He looks at Rex and Cody who are being awfully shy at the moment. His hands flourish and make a dramatic show of unwrapping the blanket and immediately adding it to his nest. He finds it very soft, they must've purchased this with their last paycheck. It is more extravagant and kind than Obi-Wan deserves he thinks. However, he will not refuse their gift either. 

  
  
"Thank you, Cody, Rex. I love it." 

  
  
"We want you to have comfortable, soft things.", Rex bushes.

"My commanders take such good care of me." Both men melt into his warm touch and care.   
  
  


  
There are not many men like General Kenobi who treat them like the people they are. Rex and Cody trust few people more than Obi-Wan with their vode. He is a good and kind man. Most of the troopers strongly feel a sense of relief their General is alive and well. There is still hurt regarding the secrecy of the mission, especially their exclusion from the funeral. When Kneobi found out, he ensured in the event of his actual death the men would be cared for and included in the funeral. 

They talk for a long time, Obi-Wan opened up about the Rako Hardeen incident. It is an uncomfortable conversation. It's the first time Kenobi has ever disclosed his experience on Melida/Dann, the man knows his way around a blaster. He had gone on undercover missions with the Jedi Shadow division before Anakin was his padawan. Sometimes the Jedi Council makes decisions that aren't not the best, but the best they could in the moment with the resources, and information they had at the time. Obi-Wan is a high ranking Jedi General and Councilor, his death had to be believable. Lying about his death while painful, was not personal, it kept him safer too. Perhaps they should've debrief Tano and Skywalker after the funeral, but they cannot undo the hurt now. All they can do if put one foot in front of the other, and try to move forward. 

Ahsoka, Cody, and Rex walk away from the visit with a new perceptive. Yet they do not know how to begin helping Obi-Wan know how much they appreciate and love him. There is so much hurt and history there. The three sense Kenobi struggled with the mission. Professionally, he understands he had a duty to the republic and Order. It came at a personal cost, and his actions clashed with his own ethos. It kriffed with his head, he's still trying to make sense of it. In some ways, saying it is duty is true, honest, factual. But on the other hand, it makes him feel empty, hallow, haunted by what parts of himself he willing to sacrifice in the name of duty. It's a feeling Cody and Rex understand all to well. 

"Wow. I-I had no idea. No wonder he doesn't talk about this past.", Ahsoka shook her head. 

"Gods, he was younger than you, Commander Tano when he fought his first war.", Rex looked sickened. 

"It's why he's a good general."

"Skyguy needs to know his Master isn't doing well.", Ahsoka sighed. 

  
"Does Kix have his Temple medical file?", Cody thought about the scars that their General carried in his skin."

"I doubt it. We should make inquires. I have a feeling there is a lot we don't know about him.", Rex agreed.

"We have to help him."

"We will do what we can.", Cody reassured Ahsoka. 


	4. Chapter 4

Anakin does not speak with Obi-Wan before the 501st deploys. While his men are away at war, Obi-Wan recovers from his surgery. Physical therapy kicks his ass on the regular. He gains a pound a week, and sleeps more than he has in years.

  
He meditates with Master Yoda daily, and spars with the battle master. Kenobi guest lectures, naps to his heart’s content, and reads in the sunshine. The mind healer prescribes a sleep aid, and anti-depressant. The noise in his head isn’t as loud.   
  
  


He enjoys a brief holocalls with the Duchess, who is still angry with him. However, she is relieved to know he isn’t dead, and his ticker is on the mend.   
  


Obi-Wan continued his communication with his grand padawan and commander. However, Anakin’s radio silence continues. It weighs heavily on Kenobi, his Jedi colleagues note.

There is lingering sadness Obi-Wan carries, a sense of longing for closure. Instead, he resolves to learn to live with the phantom ache of the bond he once shared with his padawan.

_He’s a grown man now with his own padawan.  
_

_Anakin doesn’t need his silly old master anymore.  
  
  
_

_He won’t forgive me. I hurt him.  
  
_

_At least he had Padme and Ashoka, thank the Force for that._   
  


By the end of the six week recovery period, Obi-Wan looks healthier. His blood circulation is better, as is his energy and appetite. While he still needs to gain fifteen more pounds, Master Che is pleased with his progress. He appears balanced, calm, and strong enough to return to the front.   
  


Master Yoda, however, knows his brave heart well enough to know Kenobi’s once bright spirit has been dulled and muted in the Force. He can feel his child, his great-grand padawan’s sadness weeping in the Force. 

  
Master Yoda waits on the tarmac with Obi-Wan as the Negotiator prepares to lower its ramp and dock. They’ll only have a few days in hyperspace to recoup before heading off on the next mission. The war does not stop.

Obi-Wan is quiet, stoic, dutifully as he prepares to board, his knapsack over his shoulder. The ancient one watched him carefully, a gift in his pocket for his great-grand padawan.

”Have something for you I do.”

”That’s not necessary, grand master.”

”Macroons and tea, good for making up with padawan they are. Heard Skywalker likes macaroons I did.”

”He won’t talk with me, grandmaster.”, Obi-Wan’s peace melts into exasperation.

  
  


”Cannot lead together if divided, reconcile you must.”   
  


“Yes, Master.”

”Give this to him, you will.”, Yoda pulls a Manila sealed package.

  
  


Obi-Wan accepts the snack and package. He bows respectful to his grand master, “May the Force be with you.”

”And with you.”, Yoda returns the bow. His heart aches as he spends his brave heart back to war. It never gets easier no matter how old he gets to spend his beloved students to face danger.   
  


* * *

Obi-Wan is greeted by the 212th in crisp formation. He can feel the thrum of excitement and relief to see their General. He kept his head up and shoulders strong, reassurance of his health and recovery.   
  


“Here comes the General.”, Cody announces. He gives Kenobi a salute.

”At ease, men.”, Kenobi offers a fond smile. 

”We’re glad you’re back, sir.”, Cody hands Kenobi a data pad.   
  


“Thank you, Commander.”  
  


Obi-Wan and Cody walk together to Kenobi’s quarters. The commander briefs Kenobi on the condition of the 212th and their recent missions.

”Permission to be frank, sir?”

”Granted, Cody.”

”General Skywalker is unhinged and angry. _Someone_ needs to reign in his rage before people get killed.”

”Ill take care of it. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I’d like to see a report, Commander.”

”Within the hour, sir.”

”Please ask Rex to send him to my office.”

“Of course.”

Once Kenobi enters the quarters, they drop the formality. Obi-Wan gives Cody a big hug, “I’m really glad to see you, Cody.”

”You look well, sir. I don’t know I’ve never seen you so healthy.”, Cody is emotional.

”Master Che held me hostage.”

”I see. The Medics have been given instructions for care. We’ll keep you healthy.”

“I have no doubt of that.”

”I’ll comm Rex, and forward the report. Unpack, have a cup of tea, relax.”

”Thank you.”

”No problem, sir.”

* * *

Obi-Wan sat at his desk with the macaroons on a plate and two cups of spicy tea prepared. He heard a knock at the door, “Come in.”, the older man called.   
  


“You wanted to see me.”, Anakin cleared his throat avoiding Kenobi’s eyes

”Yes, please sit.”

Kenobi passes a cup of tea and the cookies. Anakin quietly accepts, munching on a few cookies. The older Jedi passes the sealed Manila package Skywalker.   
  


Anakin opens the package, cookie half hazardously hanging between his lips. He found a file and a holovid marked Hardeen with a note from Master Yoda.   
  


_Knight Skywalker, there is much you do not know about your master. It is not my story to tell. Believe it or not, Obi-Wan was once stubborn, hotheaded and impulsive. _You reminded me of him when he was younger. You and Obi-Wan are more alike than you think. Your Master tries to be a model Jedi for your sake. However, underneath the mask of perfection, you will find a flawed human being. He understands you better than most people if you coax him into talking.  
  
__

__The Hardeen mission given its covert nature meant for Obi-Wan’s safety we had to conceal the truth. It was not a decision Obi-Wan made lightly. Given his covert operations skills, and well known, political standing in the Republic, he was the person most qualified for this mission.  
  
_ _

__Had you or Padawan Tano known the truth, it may have jeopardized the mission, but more importantly, compromised Obi-Wan’s safety. The mission success hinged on two factors: Count Dooku believing your Master was in fact dead, and second, securing the safety of this Republic by protecting the Chancellor, who is a good friend of yours._  
  
_

__We debated for many hours the nature of this operation. I know this mission was very costly for Obi-Wan. Know. I have enclosed the mission file as well as the Council transcript to offer any insight into the mission. Please contact me for further questions. -Master Yoda_ _

Anakin’s heart thumps in his chest, as he looks over the note. His eyes glance back to his Master, he notices despite the healthier appearance and balanced Force signature, Anakin noticed the a weariness that was more pronounced than usual.

”What did you want to talk about?”

”To apologize, I have not been forthcoming with you, Anakin.”

”Oh. About the Hardeen mission?”

”Well, yes and no. I wanted to spare you the truth to protect you from well, my baggage.”, Obi-Wan clears his throat.

”Help me understand what covert operative skills, you have. I thought you were a negotiator.”

Kenobi cleared his throat, “The first year of my apprenticeship was contentious. Qui repudiated his first padawan, and the second fell to the dark side.”

”Why didn’t you tell me?”

”I did not wish to alter your view of Master Qui-Gon. He is your personal hero. Understandably, he was a wise man and exceptional Jedi.”   
  


“I’m sensing there is something you are not telling me.”

”I almost died three times that first year. The icing on the cake was being abandoned on a war torn planet and exiled from the Jedi order.”, Obi-Wan’s voice cracked.   
  


“How old were you?”

”Thirteen. The missions I went on with my Master were often dangerous and unusual. Many of my files are redacted and not public information.”

”Wait, exiled by Qui-Gon?”, Anakin’s voice sounded conflicted.   
  


“We went to a planet Melida-Dann mared by centuries of conflict. The younglings arose up against their elders to cease the conflict.”

”Why were you there?”

”To rescue Master Tahl, a close friend and lover of Jinn’s. I wanted to stay and help the Young. Master told me either to get on the ship or I was no longer a Jedi. I left the Order that day. Well really the _Order_ left me.”

”What!?”

”It’s not the first I considered leaving. I fought with them. My friends died. I was hungry, hurting and angry.”

”Did he come back for you?”

”Only when I called for help. I couldn’t broker peace. My apprenticeship was reinstated. But Qui-Gon feared I was too passionate, too hotheaded, too impulsive. It drove a wedge between us, that never fully headed.”

”I-I had no idea.”

“I know my way around a blaster and covert ops. That’s why the Council chose me. I thought I was doing a favor for you, given your relationship with the Chancellor.”

”I-I watched you die, Obi-Wan.The darkness within me is surging. And I can’t stop it!”

”Oh, dear one. Please let me help you.”

”I wanted to kill Rako Hardeen. Force, I could’ve killed _you_.”

”Do not under estimate my skills, young one.”

  
“There is this all consuming anger in me, Obi-Wan and it scares me.”, Anakin’s voice shatters. 

”I understand your anger, Anakin. It was not the only time I considered leaving. All my life I’ve struggled with emotions, attachment and yes, even the Darkside.”

”When?”

”Melida-Dann.Mandalore. Naboo.”

”You were close with the Duchess then!”

”I loved her, Anakin, still do. We have a child together. If anything, I only concerned about your relationship with Padme because I know how difficult it is.”

”I married Padme at the beginning of the war.”, Anakin blurted out.   
  


“ _Marriage_? Well, I never suspected that. My congratulations to you both.”

”You have a kid!”

“I understand you may have felt I could not possibly understand you, but Anakin, I have been where you have been.”

Anakin looks small and conflicted as he reconciled the information Obi-Wan revealed with the picture in his mind. He made so many assumptions about Master Kenobi.   
  


“I’m sorry.”

”Me too, padawan. There is no such thing as a bad student, only a bad teacher.”

”Obi-Wan....”

”I failed you, Anakin. I only fear I am too late in disclosing my past.”

”Please, don’t say that. There is no one else I want but you.”, Anakin cried, clinging to his former Master. Obi-Wan holds him tight.   
  


“I will not abandon you. And if there is anything you wish to know, ask. No more secrets.”

”I-I‘ve been struggling with visions. The darkness claws at me, Obi-Wan. I am scared.”, the boy admits.   
  


“Then we will face the darkness together.”

They hold each other desperately. Anakin as much as Obi-Wan needing the contact. They have reached a new understanding. Obi-Wan will not let Anakin face the darkness alone.   
  


“I am truly sorry for the pain the Hardeen mission caused.”, Obi-Wan whispered.   
  


“I hope I can forgive you in time.”

”I understand.”

”Obi-Wan, thank you for telling me the truth.”

”Oh we just scratched the surface of the very Bad things that happened to Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

“Force, Obi-Wan.”

”I-I know.”

”I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you had your surgery. That must’ve been scary and lonely.”

”Yes, it was. I’m glad you’re here now. That’s all that matters to me.”

”We’re absolute kriffed up, aren’t we?”

”Well, considering we are Yoda’s Disaster Lineage. I’d say we come by it naturally.”

The pair have forged a tentative peace. Obi-Wan is determined to be a better man, a better Master to his padawans. He will not leave them to struggle alone. 


	5. Chapter 5

It did not escape Ashoka or Anakin’s notice how quiet and withdrawn Obi-Wan had become. Cody finally had the man somewhat contained for the moment, watching him sit in the chair in his threadbare sweater nursing a cup of tea under the tent in the rain.

They've just camped planetside after a rough series of battles. There were significant casualties, and injuries among the 501st as well as the 212th. Typically Obi-Wan had stayed up through the wee hours of the morning sitting with wounded men and comforting the grieving. Now he refuses to eat, to sleep, just sits staring into space.

Obi-Wan has always taken casualties with difficulty, feeling the lingering affect of each and every soul rejoining the fabric of the universe. Sometimes he got too far deep in the Unifying Force or worse, cut himself off. Either way, he wasn't in a good head space afterwards. 

Cody unable to rouse his General from his sullen mood, knew he needed back up. Obi-Wan had to be cold after sitting outside for so long. It wasn't just the losses, Cody knew he had been off ever since his cardiac episode. 

Things had still been strained between Anakin and Obi-Wan following the Hardeen incident. There was no one who could pull Kenobi out of his funk quite like Skywalker could, Cody knew as much when to call for help. Anakin searched for Obi-Wan's force signature finding it troubled and heavy, not a good sign. He nodded at Cody, "I got it from here. Mind getting us a blanket and some warm rice packs from Kix?"

"Of course, sir. Should I ask Kix to be on deck?"

"That's not a bad plan. How long has it been since Obi-Wan slept last?"

"At least 72 hours, sir." 

"I'd like to avoid sedation if we can. You know how much he hates that." 

"Yes, General." 

"And Cody?"

"Sir?'

"You did the right thing coming to me, Commander. Thank you for taking care of him."

"I only wish it didn't have to come to this.", Cody swallowed thickly. 

"Me too, Commander." 

Anakin clapped Obi-Wan on the shoulder gently, "Can you look at me, Obi-Wan?"

" 'kin.", Obi-Wan said softly.

"When was the last time you rested?"

  
  


"Can't sleep.", Obi-Wan croaked. 

"Let's get some food and medicine in you. Then get you warm and tucked into bed, you are freezing."

Obi-Wan didn't even fight, a sign he was actually worse than Anakin thought. He wasn't staring into space anymore, but avoiding looking at Anakin. He accepted the cardiac meds, and water. Anakin covered him with a blanket and placed the warm rice packs on his body, trying to combat the shivers. Obi-Wan quietly ate, pushing his food around uninterested. But he did eat some, which is better than nothing. 

Obi-Wan sighed tiredly, leaning his head on Anakin's shoulder. He was so touched starved, the Jedi Master melted into his former padawan. Anakin rubbed his arm, "You can't just get stuck in your head, like that?"

"It's my fault.", Obi-Wan repeated over and over again.

"What's your fault, Obi-Wan?" 

“Bad feeling. Should’ve fought harder in the mission briefing.”

”Hey, look at me. This is not your fault.”, Anakin looked into Obi-Wan’s teary eyes.   
  


  
Obi-Wan clung to Anakin lime a drowning man at sea, “I’m a puppet, Anakin.”

”I said that when I was mad. It was stupid and immature.”

”You were right about everything.”, Obi-Wan sounded so defeated. 

”Obi-Wan! Maybe, neither one of us holds the full truth.”

”I never should’ve taken the mission.”

“I shouldn’t have been so hard on you.”

Anakin watched as Kix approached them, he nodded letting the medic look Obi-Wan over. Anakin never let go of his hand as Kenobi was transferred onto the stretcher.  
  


Kix began an IV for fluids, and tried to warm him up. Obi-Wan whined softly in the back of this throat. Anakin rubbed his hand gently, “I’m here, Obi. Not going anywhere.”

”Tired.”

“You can rest. I’ve got you.”

  
  


“I’m so sorry, Anakin, Ashoka. I hate that I had to lie to you.”

”We know, Master. You wouldn’t have taken the mission if you had any other choice.”, Ahsoka pressed a kiss to Obi-Wan forehead. 

  
  


“Let us take care of you for a change, old man.” Anakin squeezed his hand.

Obi-Wan made a sleepily noise, closing his eyes at the light force suggestion. Anakin promised to never again leave his Master on silent. Force knows he’s terrible at taking care of himself.   
  


“Let’s get him into the med tent.”,Kix commanded.   
  


  
Kix got Obi-Wan warmed up, and ran fluids. He was definitely dehydrated and running on fumes. Kenobi tended to sustain himself with the Force until he crashed.   
  


  
Anakin squeezed Obi-Wan’s hand as he slept, “We aren’t going to leave you.”

Ahsoka watched her Master and Grandmaster as the tension between th melted away.

”Do you think we’ll be okay?”

”I know we will. As long as we have each other.”

A feeling of calm and peace washed over the trio. For right now they were going to be okay. The Rako Hardern incident would not break them. Anakin and Ahsoka never left Obi-Wan’s side, they’d get through this together. No more achy breaky hearts.


End file.
